Friday, 26 June 2009
West Ham Face Darkest Hour
West Ham United have issued a statement following the shock death of the greatest talent ever to have walked upon the face of the moon. The spokesman said: "In common with every single person in the world, we are in a state of shock following the death of Michael Jackson. At the moment we are struggling to come to terms with this and to believe it has actually happened. How can a god die? Like everybody else, we thought Michael was immortal."
He continued: "Many people do not understand the ties Michael has with our club. He was in fact a fanatical West Ham fan and wrote his greatest ever hit "Thriller" after watching a game at Upton Park, a League Cup third round replay at home to West Brom in 1981. We lost 1-0 but Michael was gripped by the game and said over and over, 'That was a thriller, thriller night, Killer, diller, chiller, thriller here tonight'. Sadly, we believe our defeat and shock exit from the cup distressed Michael more than anybody realised at the time and it is perfectly possible that this was the event that triggered Michael's subsequent mental instability."
He added: "This was not Michael's only visit to the club. He was very keen to see our training facilities and particularly to see the work done by Tony Carr and his team. You can imagine how excited the young Hammers were when Michael arrived to watch them training. I think it is safe to say that Michael reached out and touched every single one of the Academy boys."
He continued: "Michael was also a great fan of our club song. He really did love his pet chimp Bubbles and sang 'I'm forever blowing bubbles' with tremendous gusto."
He added: "And now that Michael has moon walked off this mortal coil, we are free to reveal his closest guarded secret, the explanation for his face changing operation. This was his ultimate expression of support for the club as he strove to look like his all time favourite Hammer, Iain Dowie."
He concluded: "This is the club's darkest hour. We are planning to turn our first home game of next season into a Memorial Game for Michael and, in tribute to the guy, all nonces will be allowed in at a 50% discount. How tragic that this great man is no longer with us."
Posted by Hammersfan at 10:01